More About the Law

This is the second instalment of my series on the Rules (Laws) of Rugby.

I have a secret passion. Actually, it's not that secret - a few of us are into it.

Rugby

Named after a strange place, a school, a movement that became a passion, in a fashion.

That silly game - football, or soccer as we call it.. - well, eventually someone was going to realise that hands are not just there for touching yourself.

So, eventually, a chap who had gotten over touching himself, or maybe not, felt the need to pick up the leather ball and go for a run. Just for the hell of it.

Just to be a bloody nuisance – probably to piss off one of his teachers, for an argument he had the week before, or probably just because he was rubbish at soccer.

Probably the school pest - Webb Ellis – double barrel name, or as we, in Rugby describe it – “2 dads” !!

A likely lad. But ….. bingo! The birth of the beautiful game, or so the story goes.

Holy moly, this is much better than touching oneself, and the rest is history - the beautiful game was born - up and running, as we afficionados, like to say. So, any touching can take place in the sheds after the game ..but if Izzy has anything to do with it, all touchers will burn in hell.

In the meantime we smash into each other with gusto.

The Running Game

You pass backward in order to go forward.

If you throw the ball forward, then you have to go back for a re-start, also known as a stoppage.

Every stoppage is rationalised as a "contest" that only one or two chaps recognise, and one of them is the referee, and he is the only bloke on the paddock who can say with any authority that he knows all the laws, though most props, half backs and captains would argue with that.

You score 5 points by trying successfully, whereas in American football, you get a touchdown without touching down or even trying that hard. Amazing.

There are things called rucks where the player is tackled and goes to ground and there are things called mauls were the player is tackled and doesn't go to ground. In truth nobody but the referee and the TV commentator know the difference, so we just get on with the game and pretend we know what is going on, and what is going to happen next (not even the ref knows that).

As the famous Welshman named Williams, or maybe Davis or Llewellyn (or one of them) famously said ..”it helps if you don’t know the rules, and if you don’t you’ll be on the same wavelength as the referee..” .

Then there are the lineouts, which used to be called Dockyard brawls before lifting was made legal. Now they are called organised chaos, since now they train for it.

Most of us just go out and play, pretend we know what the referee is on about and spend 80 minutes smashing into blokes to work up a thirst for the bullshitting drinking session that happens later when we are all superheroes (in our own eyes).

I recall a great story (anecdote) where there was a game of park Rugby going on and they only had one ball. One of the fancy dancing backs kicks it out on the full and it runs down the hill and over the road. Some kid takes off after it. The ref announces to the players, ..” sorry gents there’ll be a short delay while we find the ball.. “ One of the gnarly old props says.. “ .. Fu?# the ball, ref, let’s just get on with the game!..”

No better way to spend a Saturday! Especially if your club makes the best pies and has sensational beer.

These test blokes with their game plans and their “ learnings” – do they really enjoy the game as much as we amateur “smashers” ?

And that, gentlemen is the essence of our great game.

Nowadays, we have social media and teams can keep bullshitting to each other about their various exploits way deep into the off-season and into the next season, when they will find a whole new range of bullshit to carry on with. They can organise piss-ups, days at the races, contests, slagging, bragging and just about anything to get through the boredom of the fateful “off-season’ until training starts all over again, around February or March.

May it never end.